A new LIFE

I want to share a card that I recently purchased. Yes, a card. I'm not really into buying little nik naks or collectibles, but when I came across this card, I had to buy and frame it. It now hangs on my wall across from my bathroom. Against black and in white letter it's written,"Life isn't about finding yourself, LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF." Perhaps this doesn't sound that incredible or is a new profound saying in your eyes. But, for me, at that moment of reading it for the first time, it spoke to me... the experience an epiphany that has explained what was and is happening to me.

Cabo,... a major disappointment for the past couple weeks has transformed into a blessing. I remember the detrimental effects it had on my confidence. I wanted to shield myself from everyone. I became bitter, angry, insecure... These feelings were intensified due to the fact that prior to the experience, I felt the most confident I had ever been in my past 22 years.

It took me a while to figure things out, but I knew I needed a change in my mentality. I had to take care of the angst before it took control of me.
Control....I lost it and was looking for a way to gain it back. I found it...
I decided to take on a totally different lifestyle. I began waking up at 7 in the morning, working out intensely for an hour, eating healthy, sleeping before midnight. From this, I have gained new incite, discipline, and a new direction in life.

When everything was out of control, I felt that my body and lifestyle was the one and only thing I could take charge of. After three weeks of turning my old habits completely upside down, I feel better than ever. I am recharged.

Two weeks into training, I realized a healthy lifestyle is what I want. I want to wake up early and live when the sun shines. I don't want to eat poorly or get wasted or surround myself with the craziness of the nightlife. That being said, I'm retiring my gogo boots. Not that I've been wearing them, but haha...you get the idea. I love the dancing and wearing the cute outfits, I wish gogos were needed during earlier hours. However, it's not enough to keep me there. I was considering bar tending too, but I realized that to work and thrive in the nightlife, a particular personality is needed. I naturally don't have the demeanor that suits the nightlife. I will appreciate it from time to time, but I have decided, its not for me. So I guess my boots will be going up on craigslist soon. ;)

The best part about my new direction in life is that I am now pursuing a career in this healthy lifestyle! I was very lucky! I applied for a position as a personal trainer's assistant. I initially did not get it because they only needed two and the other girl who was chosen already knew the owner of the studio. And as for the other one, they wanted a male. However, two days later, one of the interviewers gave me a call and told me he spoke to the owner and convinced him into meeting me! He told me I was top three and that he believed in me. =)So guess what!? I'm a personal trainer's assistant with aspirations of becoming one myself. I want to be able to lead a class and kick everyone's asses. haha. jk. I just want to help people reach their fitness goals and live a healthier life. I want to share and educate!

I know this is the right direction for me. Working out and eating healthy is so important to me especially because my family has a history of physical limitations and serious ailments. My mother, my sister, my brother, and my father. Breast cancer, Lupus, allergic reactions, skin conditions, dairy intolerance, asthma, stiff joints, insomnia,...all in my immediate family. Just thinking of it,...SUX.

So yes, I have a purpose...and my motivating factor holds closely to my heart. I want to invest in something that I can see myself continuing in the future.
Sometimes, its not all about money because I can tell you that helping people will be one of the most rewarding things to me.

This is a lot for me to share...I usually hold everything in. For some reason though, I feel excited. I look forward to this new life. I'm happier than ever. =)

On another exciting note, I am shooting with one of my dream photographers, Tony Yang. His work is just beautiful! He captures it so well. I am so honored and feel so blessed to create naughty and nice images with him. He titles this work as "Intime." We are shooting in beautiful suites in Palm Springs. He's really good at picking locations. I've never been there so I'm glad I get to stay there for a few days. Many of his images are very intimate and showcase the female form. I've wondered if I would ever do a nude shoot, and honestly, I would. haha. I think the body is beautiful and to capture its beauty is even more beautiful. I'm not into the whole raunchy blatant pictures of tits and ass, but nudity can be captured in sensual and artistic ways which I am a fan of. I LOVE IT!

I don't consider myself a model. I just like taking kool images. I want to bring something new, refreshing, and visually stimulating to the table. I guess this is what every artistically driven individual wants. lol. Sometimes I like taking the standard, conventional shots too... its all gravy.

I've been wanting to build a website that has a compilation of the different types of shoots that I have done in the past. From comparing the images, its amazing to see that change within myself. That form of documentation is what's interesting. I think everyone should do photo shoots. Looking back at the photos will make you appreciate how things are and maybe miss how things were. I would also include my blog, workout & diet advice, funny stories, cruel life experiences, makeup tips and products, fashion goodies as well as my aspirations and inspirations. I just want a place where I can put all my interests together and share them. It's my way of documenting and if it can help anyone, then I have fulfilled my purpose.

Someone told me that years 22, 23, and 24 will be the roughest time in one's life. For me that holds true...so far. I hope, though, by the time I'm 24, I have my shit together.