Okay, I'm starting this blog thing over because I feel in a sense that my life has started anew. Things seem a little clearer to me nowadays.
I was eating my cheerios just moments ago, when accounts of last night and the conversation I had with my best friend who recently came back from Korea popped up in my mind. I haven't seen her since we graduated and the dialogue between us two clearly stated the change that location and time brought to our lives, and for me a noticeable change that happened within.

I was discussing with her how modeling and that passion had not been a prevalent topic amongst my peers. It was a struggle. No one wanted to see that I was pursuing it. Few believed in me. I have gotten into a number of arguments with friends, significant others, few that I have lost...that have said things to me that would feasibly deter me from doing it.

And I explained to her, that even though all these outside forces have shot me down and emotionally broke me down, I decided to keep doing it,...on my own, to fulfill myself. Which is why modeling to me at times seems like a very personal thing despite the fact that I share my pictures for the world to see. I don't discuss it with people unless they ask me because I grew accustomed to the idea that no one before wanted to know. I guess posting my pictures is my way of communicating to people, not only friends, but to the public that I will not give up this passion. I will overcome all the scrutiny, harsh discussion, and non-encouraging words and use that as my inspiration.

In the heat of the moment of our discussion, I told my friend that even when no one believes in you, you have to believe in yourself. Immediately after, she was like, "wow Sab, that's a great quote." Not really realizing those words came out of my mouth without her bringing attention to it, I gathered a moment later that those words came from deep within. She brought awareness to my words that made me realize why I keep going. Why I stand firm when before I was so indecisive. There were so many times when I wanted to give up. So Many.

So the change that I saw in myself last night was a new born determination, an unwavering desire, and a belief. =)